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She found her cousin in bad spirits. On Ellen’s insistence, Marie told her the reason. Lucien was now leaving her alone almost every night.“I should be used to it, by now, but it’s worse zan ever. Zere is zis young man, a poet, and Lucien is crazy about ‘im. What if zis comes out? It will be a terrible scandal.”“Poor Marie! How can he do this to you!” Ellen commiserated with her cousin. “Is there no reasoning with him?”Marie shook her head. “I spoke to ‘im ze day before yesterday and ‘e said I should take a lover myself, ‘e wouldn’t mind. Zat was ze worst. ‘e does not care for me in ze least!”“And will you?” Ellen asked quite matter-of-factly.“Will I take a lover? No! I am married to Lucien.”“But, Marie, darling, will you forego love all your life?”“Love again?” Marie smiled bitterly, but then she reconsidered. “I should not mock you, Ellen. You mean well and I admire you for it. I just cannot believe in love myself. My mozzer claimed she loved me, yet she never found a kind word for. ” she said. “She doesn’t know what makes you tick, can’t figure out why you are the way you are, and hasn’t decided if you are attractive to her, or not. If you are careful, I think she would enjoy a night alone with you as much as I do.”I wasn’t hurt, just puzzled. Why would Deirdre want me to pursue other women? If I was only the second boy she’d ever slept with, why wouldn’t she be more selfish with me? My face must have given me away, because she quickly explained. “Terry you are amazing and I love you every bit as much as I loved Nolan, but boys are supposed to experience lots of girls before they settle down.“Girls should choose carefully and resist sleeping around, but you are fourteen and I’m thirty-three. If you are modest and quiet about sewing your wild oats, I will be just fine to share you with Evie. Please don’t sneak around and lie about it. That would hurt me very badly.”Her words gave me much to consider. In every life there came a woman that I was totally into, who.
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